London Midland Gistapo
As I was making my way to the bright and beautiful countryside of Perry Barr, I was stopped by three elderly men at the entrance to the train platform staircase. I don’t know whether they were hiding in a bush or making love over the marvellous landscape that greeted me, but I certainly didn’t see them coming (at least not outside the bush).
They asked me if I had a ticket and that not possessing one would mean I receive a £20 fine. Okay, London Midland are actually paying these Gistapo to ask us stupid questions during times of economic recession and government cutbacks? They were certainly employees of London Midland, as they wore the little green shirt with Gistapo stitched across the top.
I said I had a ticket and they let me go on my way – a reflection on how Birmingham New Street operates a ticket barrier, but since this is the rough end of downtown Birmingham, the best they could come up with was a couple of nobodies pretending to hide behind bushes, only to jump out at you and ask you that very question – in the hope that you’d look like an idiot, say you have no ticket, can I buy ticket please, where be thee ticket office, oh there is thee ticket office, me silly, you clever, me pay you £20 fine, THANK GOD YOU SAVED MY LIFE.
Now here’s the deal – the majority of suicides happen by trains, and why on earth would you want to remind us that it costs £1.70 one-way to ride on THAT train? Surely that’s going to make even the brightest, happiest blighter seem all suicidal, knowing you have to PAY to sit besides chavs smelling of urine and white people who think they are black.
I always feel slightly unhappy knowing I am paying for such a ‘service’ and those little buggers nearly have me a heart attack. Next time they ask such a stupid question, I know where to stick that ticket vending machine… right up the rear and through their eyeballs!